


You and I walk a fragile line (I have known it all this time)

by BookwormSupreme



Category: Star Stable, Star Stable Online
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, also took me way to long to finish this, better safe than sorry, character mentions wanting to die, not suicide though, this is all angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:14:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25247485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookwormSupreme/pseuds/BookwormSupreme
Summary: Sometime after his rescue, Justin and Ali have a much-needed talk. Nothing goes as plan.
Relationships: Aaliyah Archdotter (OC) & Justin Moorland, Aaliyah Archdotter (OC) & Moonshadow (OC)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	You and I walk a fragile line (I have known it all this time)

**Author's Note:**

> So this has been something I've wanted to write for a long time. And it took me way too long to finish. BUT it is finally done! Still not too happy about the ending, but it needed to get wrapped up. Thanks to my dear friends and BROS Jade and Cen (Centeris2) for giving this a quick read-through.

Ali knew who was at the door even before they knocked. She had known since the moment they pulled into the driveway, the foreign magic prickling the back of her mind and causing goosebumps to appear on her arms. Taking a deep breath, Ali tried to quiet the racing thoughts in her mind before going to answer the door. Ever-loyal Bear clung to her like a shadow, brushing up against the young woman’s leg in reassurance as she opened the front door.

A pair of dark eyes peered out from equally dark bangs. Eyes that once sparkled whenever she met them, now looked her over with caution as they would a stranger. And Ali knew hers were doing the same.

“Hey,” Justin greeted her.

“Hey,” was Ali’s intelligent answer.

“Can, uh… Can I come in?” the young man asked. “I was in the area and figured I stopped by but if it’s a bad time-”

“Sure.” Ali could smell the bullshit in his words, but decided he was sincere enough and opened the door wider to let Justin in. Bear gave Justin his own once over and a good sniff before concluding the young man was no threat and going back to his favorite napping spot on the porch. “Do you want anything to drink? Tea, coffee?”

“...I should probably stay away from caffeine. Having a hard enough time sleeping as is.” The dark rings under his eyes were evidence of that. Combined with the slight shaking in his hands and the well-hidden exhaustion in his eyes, Ali wondered how Justin hadn’t fallen asleep at the wheel of his truck. But she didn’t say anything. 

“You do know there’s caffeine in tea, right?” she informed him instead. Justin looked up from where he was examining some pictures on the fridge.

“Uh, no. I didn’t. But I’ll still take the tea.” He went back to looking at the pictures of Ali standing next to a grey pony and its rider, a young girl wearing a bright pink riding jacket.

“Want any sugar or milk?” Ali asked as she started the kettle. 

“Um, not sure. Never had tea before,” her guest admitted. “Who’s this?” he asked, pointing at the young rider. Ali looked over and her heart froze for a moment before she was able to compose herself and answer.

“She’s a… local girl,” came the little white lie. Ali had always hated lying and wasn’t even very good at it, but the circumstances she had found herself in over the past years had forced her into a habit of it. 

“Really?” Was the question genuine or did he know she was lying?

“Well, not exactly,” Ali admitted, her mind scrambling to come up with something that sounded more reliable. “Her family lives closer to Fort Pinta but they visit the area often enough. I offered the girl lessons since James is still being a little shit with his outrageous prices.” Justin smirked at that last comment.

“I don’t know James that well, but based off of Dad’s word about him, he sure sounds like it. How Alex puts up with him, I have no idea.” He turned and leaned against the fridge. “So…”

“So…”

“How have you been?” Ali took a moment to think about whether she should tell him the truth or try her hand at lying again. Since Justin was facing her this time, she figured it was safer to go with the truth.

“Overall, pretty good. Some days are better than others, but I manage. You?” He shrugged.

“Not too great, to be honest. I can barely sleep for a full night, according to Jenna I’ve got the attitude of a teenager, and my dad and I haven’t had a real talk since I got back from… well, that place.”

_Suddenly it’s ‘that place’_ , Ali thought to herself. _You had no trouble saying the name a month ago._

“Thanks, by the way.” Justin’s voice broke through her troubled thoughts. “For, you know.” Ali raised an eyebrow.

“No, actually I don’t. I’m not a mind reader, Justin.” Was that a smile forming on her longtime friend’s face?

“You sure that’s not part of your shifty druid magic?” he asked. Ali tried to smile back but wasn’t sure how successful she was. _‘Shifty druid magic? What was that about?’_

“What I meant to say was, thanks,” Justin continued. “For saving me. I would probably be dead if it wasn’t for you. And the other girls, of course.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I mean, I wasn’t even sure you were going to come back.” Now that he had started, there was no stopping him. “Especially after what happened last time you came.”

Images, memories, flashed through Ali’s mind. A prison cell, wet and cold, and so dark. Imprisoned with chains and dark magic. The pain, the blood, the growing sense of hopelessness and failure. She was back on the barge, back in that small, dark cell. And so was Justin, only he was on the other side of the bars, staring, watching, as his grandfather tried over and over and over to break her. To get her to turn against her friends, her family. Her very self. 

And Justin just stood there. Never leaving but never interfering either. Just watching and watching and _why is he watching why isn’t he helping Justin help me please Justin don’t leave me here you’re my friend why why why why-_

“Ali-holy shit!” The slight brush of a physical touch against her arm and Ali’s arm lashed out in defence, her open hand striking the intruder. The impact was amplified by magic, burning bright and at the ready to attack, to protect, to keep the darkness away.

_“Aaliyah! Are you okay?!”_ Moonshadow’s calm, strong voice broke through the chaos and fear that clouded Ali’s mind and brought her back to reality. She was in her kitchen, making tea for herself and…

“Justin? Justin oh my goddess are you okay?” Justin groaned as he got to his feet, one hand gripping the counter, the other trying to stop the flow of blood from his nose. Ali scrambled to get a washcloth and tissues, while simultaneously letting Moonshadow know she was ok, she wasn’t in danger, it was just a bad panic attack. With a magic backlash. 

“I should be asking you that. Thanks,” Justin said as he held the handful of tissues to his nose, allowing Ali to wash his bloody hand. “You spaced out there for a bit and when I tried to get your attention something threw me back. Felt like a horse kicked me.” He said nothing more, looking to his childhood friend for answers.

“Sorry about that,” Ali apologized, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “My mind wasn’t all there and my magic just… reacted when I got startled.” Ali prayed he wouldn’t ask where her mind was, she wasn’t ready to think about it again so soon.

“That happens often?” he asked instead. “You lashing out like that with your magic?” Ali shook her head as she went to the sink to rinse out the worst of the blood from the cloth.

“No, not too often. It used to be worse, but I’ve been getting a handle on it.” Justin nodded, though Ali couldn’t see him.

“So, it wasn’t because of me?” Ali was confused by the question and turned back to him.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Exactly what I said,” was Justin’s explanation. “Did your magic attack me because I was the closest target or because you felt threatened by me?” Now Ali was getting frustrated.

“Justin, just because my magic lashed out at you doesn’t mean it was attacking you. It’s a defense mechanism. Like a skunk spraying you.”

“Yeah, except a skunk sprays to protect itself from a specific threat.” There was a strange look in Justin’s eyes. One Ali wasn’t sure she understood. “So if that’s the case, then you and your magic thought I was a threat.”

“Are you going somewhere with this, Justin? Or are you just going to speak in riddles till I go crazy?” When he didn’t immediately answer, Ali decided to go find an extra shirt for him. 

“You said my name.” It was more the tone of his voice than the words themselves that made Ali stop and turn around.

“What?” Had she actually said his name? Aloud? What else did she say? God, could this get any worse?

“When you were having your little… attack, you were saying my name, begging me to help you, not to leave you.” He looked away. “You were nearly screaming.”

Well shit, it could get worse.

Ali took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to explain it to him. 

“I was having a flashback about my imprisonment on the oil rig and my magic reacted defensively to anything it perceived as a threat,” she firmly explained. “Since you were there, it makes sense that my magic lashed out at you. However,” she stopped him from interrupting, “that doesn’t mean that, had it been anyone else, my magic wouldn’t have responded the same way. It probably would. Magic doesn’t have eyes or ears after all.” She tried for a little joke at the end. But Justin simply looked at her apathetically.

“‘Probably’? Do you know for sure?”

Was he seriously going to drag this on?

“No Justin, I don’t know for sure. But as soon as I find out, I’ll let you know.” Ali could feel the magic still simmering just beneath her skin and knew that if she didn’t calm down soon, it would lash out at him again.

And she might let it.

“Look, let me just… get you a shirt and we’ll meet for lunch or something some other time, yeah?” Without waiting for Justin to answer, Ali went upstairs to look for a spare shirt in her grandparents’ closet. They would understand.

Justin however, either didn’t get that she just needed some space from him or didn’t care, because when she turned around there he was. That same, apathetic look in his eyes.

“So we’re just going to ignore what happened back there?” he asked, an annoyed tone to his voice that Ali did not like at all. “We’re just going to pretend that mere minutes ago, you were begging for your life as if I could do anything about it.”

“Because you could have!” she shouted, ignoring her tears in favor of keeping her magic from ripping the bedroom apart. “You could have done something, anything, to help me but you didn’t! You just stood there and watched as your grandfather tried to tear me apart with dark magic! And you let him!”

Justin’s face changed from apathy to confusion. Ali wasn’t sure which she hated more.

“What could I have done?” he asked, child-like ignorance and near pity in his voice, and was he being serious? “I was just as much a prisoner there as you were, Ali. We were both trapped by Dark Core! If I had so much as texted anyone, I would’ve been killed!”

Ali didn’t tell Justin how many times she pleaded for death in that cell. Both aloud and in silence. Or about the nightmares in which she does die by his hand.

“Look” Justin took a step closer and Ali took one back. “The important thing is we got out alive, right? And we still have each other.”

Oh sweet, naive boy.

“No, Justin, we don’t have each other.” She could barely look him in the eye as she spoke those words, couldn’t stand to see what little light there was left extinguished. If she looked, she would stop and she could not afford to stop. This had to be said.

“We don’t have each other anymore. We can’t go back to the way things were before. And I’m not just talking about being together. I…” Goddess, she was going to be sick. But this had to be done now. “I will never forget what happened on the rig, and I will never forgive you for your part in it.” At least, not now.

“...What? What are you talking about? I just told you I had no choice-”

“That doesn’t fucking matter! You were still there! You still watched and let it happen and it never would’ve happened, any of it, if you hadn’t run away and decided to join a goddess-damned cult! You had a choice then and you made the wrong one!” 

Her control slipped. Doors flew open, books threw themselves off the shelf. Moonshadow and the rest of the herd nearly screamed, pacing the fence, looking for a way to get to her. She managed to calm most of them down enough, but Moonshadow was still agitated.

Thank Aideen her grandparents lived in the countryside, or else someone would’ve called the police with all the screaming.

“I was angry!” Justin yelled back. “I wasn’t thinking straight! I just wanted answers!”

Once again Ali’s magic threatened to boil over like a volcano. And the herd was again on the defence. Moonshadow in particular debated whether to try jumping the fence or kicking down the gate.

“And what, you thought your grandfather you didn’t know even existed until then was a good place to start?! You could’ve come to me!” 

“He got inside my head, alright! He tried to make me think you were the enemy! And with how the Druids treated me afterward, he might be a bit right!”

“We had to make sure you weren’t going to double-cross us! You were under house arrest! Not imprisoned!”

“What’s the fucking difference?!”

“You weren’t chained to the wall and having some immortal asshole try to rip your soul apart while your best friend just watched like a fucking emotionless zombie!”

“He promised not to kill you, ok! He told me that all the pain you were experiencing was all in your head!”

“Oh, and the scars I got from it are just figments of my imagination!” 

Justin’s eyes flicked down momentarily to her wrists and Ali just managed to resist tugging on her sweater sleeves in a poor attempt to hide some of the aforementioned scars. Luckily she remembered to wear her concealer that morning.

With a grunt, Justin turned away, whether in anger or shame, or an odd mix of both. He paced what limited space there was in the bedroom, tugging at his hair. To Ali, he reassembled an agitated animal.

“I couldn’t do anything or he would’ve killed us both!”

“I wish he had!”

Silence. The only sound was their breathing. Justin was the first to break it.

“You really mean that?”

Did she? She had then, for sure. But what about now?

“...Sometimes I do. When I wake up from nightmares of the torture and it’s you trying to rip my soul apart. Yeah, I wish I was dead.”

“And me?” He looked her in the eye. “Do you wish I was dead?”

Yes. No. 

Maybe?

“I don’t know.”

Neither of them spoke for a while. Outside, Ali could hear the horses calling out to her, Moonshadow’s cries carrying louder than the rest. She sent out a wave of calmness that she didn’t quite feel herself and that seemed to settle them. Somewhat. Moonshadow wasn’t convinced. He was trying to motivate Chief, the old Clydesdale, into breaking open the gate.

“You should probably go.” Ali handed him the shirt. “I’ve got to clean up this mess before my grandparents get home.”

Justin looked like he was going to say something. But what was left to say? Instead, he walked out of the room and downstairs, Ali following close behind. Whether out of courtesy or mistrust, it was hard to say. As he left the old farmhouse, Justin nearly tripped over the black, white, and tan blur that was Bear racing into the house. The dog stopped only to give a low growl through the screen door at the youth before turning his attention to the young woman, licking her hands sympathetically.

The Jorvegian Herder wasn’t the only one keeping an eye on Justin. From the other side of the paddock fence, Ali’s horses watched him get into his truck warily. The air was thick with tension even after Justin pulled out of the driveway. It was only when a breeze picked up that Ali felt all the stress leave her.

Exhausted physically, emotionally, and mentally Ali wanted to go to the herd, to reassure them (and herself) that everything was ok now. Not great, but ok. But she barely had enough energy to stand, let alone walk over to them.

She managed the short distance to the bottom of the porch step, before collapsing into a sobbing, heart-sick mess. Bear whined and slipped out to try and comfort her. Through her tears and heaving breath, Ali didn’t hear Moonshadow jump the fence effortlessly, or trot over to her.

But she felt his presence, his warmth, and welcomed it. The large grey gelding laid behind her and pressed his head firming against her. With a gasp of air, Ali through her arms around him and sobbed into his ink-black mane. 

Ali knew that she would have to explain what happened when her grandparents got home, but for now, she took comfort in the complete lack of judgement from her companions.


End file.
